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Communication

De-escalating an angry family member

What to say, what to do and when to get help

Updated November 5, 2026 · Facts checked against the sources listed below

De-escalating an angry family member. What to say, what to do and when to get help
Anger is often fear. They're scared for someone they love: And may feel powerless. They're exhausted: Long waits, little sleep. They feel unheard: Or haven't had an update

WHY THEY'RE ANGRY

1. Anger is often fear

  • They're scared for someone they loveAnd may feel powerless
  • They're exhaustedLong waits, little sleep
  • They feel unheardOr haven't had an update
Calm is contagious. Keep your voice low and slow: Match calm, not volume. Open posture, eye level if it's safe: No crossed arms. Keep your path to the door clear: Never get boxed in

YOUR BODY LANGUAGE

2. Calm is contagious

  • Keep your voice low and slowMatch calm, not volume
  • Open posture, eye level if it's safeNo crossed arms
  • Keep your path to the door clearNever get boxed in
Listen first, then help. Name the feeling: "I can see you're worried about your mom.". Let them finish: Don't interrupt or argue. Say what you can do: "I'll find the doctor and update you by 3."

WHAT TO SAY

3. Listen first, then help

  • Name the feeling"I can see you're worried about your mom."
  • Let them finishDon't interrupt or argue
  • Say what you can do"I'll find the doctor and update you by 3."
Phrases that help. Instead of "Calm down": Try "Help me understand what happened.". Instead of "That's not my patient": Try "Let me find their nurse for you.". Instead of "There's nothing I can do": Try "Here's what I can do right now."

SWAP THIS

4. Phrases that help

  • Instead of "Calm down"Try "Help me understand what happened."
  • Instead of "That's not my patient"Try "Let me find their nurse for you."
  • Instead of "There's nothing I can do"Try "Here's what I can do right now."
Know when to step back. Threats, or yelling that won't stop: Call your charge nurse or security. Use the buddy system: Don't handle it alone. Follow your facility's emergency plan: Policies vary by employer

GET HELP

5. Know when to step back

  • Threats, or yelling that won't stopCall your charge nurse or security
  • Use the buddy systemDon't handle it alone
  • Follow your facility's emergency planPolicies vary by employer

Source: OSHA, Guidelines for Preventing Workplace Violence for Healthcare and Social Service Workers.

Take care of yourself and your team. Report threats and assaults: OSHA guidance: report them all to a supervisor. Debrief with your team: What worked, what didn't. Take a minute before your next patient: You're human too

AFTERWARD

6. Take care of yourself and your team

  • Report threats and assaultsOSHA guidance: report them all to a supervisor
  • Debrief with your teamWhat worked, what didn't
  • Take a minute before your next patientYou're human too

Source: OSHA.

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